Dozen Days

Yes, there’s only twelve more days til my due date, as implied by the title of this post. Many people are asking if we’re ready and that’s a really loaded question.

To be honest, the past few weeks have brought some surprising feelings about what is about to happen. Back in the first trimester there were fears of losing the baby that had to be handed over to the Creator of the life in my womb. You know those times where you’re tempted to bargain with God? I really wanted this baby and would’ve done almost anything to ensure that I didn’t miscarry. Then in the second trimester, when I could feel the frequent movement, the fears of losing that life would only last until the next somersault. And now, in the third trimester, while I still occasionally worry about something bad happening to the baby during the remainder of pregnancy or delivery, while I still find relief in those strong kicks and jabs, I’ve also found myself feeling uncertain about what’s going to happen if everything goes right. Things that once seemed natural now look really big and I’m hoping that the sense of “mom intuition” or instinct kicks in really fast. And I’m sure it will, it’s just that right now there are certain things I cannot fully prepare for and questions that cannot yet be answered (and hormones). Getting closer and closer to facing those unknowns hasn’t erased my excitement, but I have to admit that it’s disrupted it.

Sometimes this makes me want to just do it, go through the labor pains and get through that first night at home. But there are enough things left on the before-baby-to-do list that I can keep plenty busy for at least twelve days (or more!).

It’s really nice of people to ask if we’re ready, but sometimes it’s just a reminder of what isn’t in order. Confession time: we don’t have the crib or cradle set up, my hospital bag is only partially packed, and there are several purchases to make before our nursery is fully functioning. But really, those are all things that don’t have to be done before we have the child. A few days ago I came to the realization that when it comes down to physically providing for the baby, we have everything we need. Some things might be makeshift or require assembly, but why is it that there are so many baby items deemed “essential” when in parts of the world babies are welcomed into straw-roofed huts with dirt floors? Our culture is so good at blurring the line between comfort and necessity and I’m having to fight the urge to let all those little details determine my level of readiness.

In reality, what’s far more important in preparing for this birth is that our hearts are open to receiving this baby into our lives. It’s far more important that Seth and I have a healthy relationship with each other and that we are entrusting this little soul to its Creator. When I look at it from this angle, I’m reminded that we are as prepared as we can be because God has been so faithful. Among many gifts, He’s given us incredible examples to look up to in parents and He goes before.

Thanks for listening, just writing this post has been helpful. And thanks for praying, please keep the prayers coming! We truly are looking forward to meeting our little one!