Since the Holidays

January is *finally* over! Without sounding too negative, I want to be honest in saying that this winter has been particularly rough. On a positive note, it’s getting much better due to some exciting news I’ll be sharing further down. However, the beginning of January brought some challenging circumstances at the stables that put a damper on my excitement to go there. In combination with those dreary gray days, life wasn’t too exciting. The best times of day were 12:00 and 5:00 (when Seth comes home from work) and I relished the evenings with him more than ever.

I’m so thankful to have him in this season of life because he’s my steady-Eddy when my emotions and moods and outlook are changing every five seconds. As I struggled through the dilemma of saying ‘no’ to taking on more at the stables and feeling selfish for doing so, or looking for another part-time job, he listened, encouraged, supported, and listened more as I talked circles. For days.

Often when there’s a bigger decision that will have a significant impact on my life I get really concerned about whether or not I’m doing what God wants me to do. The fear that He wants me to do something really hard to test my obedience starts to push out my ability to see the situation clearly. My mind spins as I try to convince myself that I’m not a “bad person” for taking the path I want to, but that thought alone terrifies me! I feel weak, small, and hopeless.

This might sound familiar if you read my story about working through Seth’s proposal. I had felt led to say yes but then when I started really wanting to say yes it became so difficult to accept that as God’s will. The week after I had given my answer I felt guilty for doing my own thing. But I have been convinced time and again that God is in this!

And I’m thankful to share that eventually I was able to come to the same point on a smaller, but also important, decision. My wise father reminded me that sometimes logic is a good enough reason. With the number of no-shows and cancellations at the stables, it isn’t substantial enough for what I need right now. Pushing aside my fear that I was running away from what’s hard, I realized that it was okay to move on and look for another job. It was okay to say that I don’t want to take on more riders right now. The following week was much brighter as Seth helped me make a resume and I began the job hunt. It’s definitely out of my comfort zone to simply walk into a place and ask if they’re hiring but after doing it once I found it to be rewarding. Also, I started applying to coffee shops online and then followed up by going into the stores with a resume.

One day I decided to follow up with an earlier inquiry I had made at a place in Mahomet. So I walked into the independently owned coffee shop located in our IGA and asked if they were hiring. Surprisingly they were, so I left a resume and received an email the following morning from the boss asking if I could come in and chat. Two days later, which was this past Monday, she hired me and I started Thursday morning.

The coffee shop is called Kaffee (German for coffee since the owner’s husband was originally from there) and they make coffee, espresso, and specialty drinks. As thrilled as I am to begin learning the art of coffee drinks, I’m so thankful that the owner made it clear in our first chat that she is a Christian and she has dedicated her shop to the Lord. There’s no conflict about working Sundays because it’s closed and while she doesn’t have Christian quotes posted around she did encourage me to pray for and with our customers, when opportunities arise.

Wow, does God provide. In a text to my cousin I mentioned that I don’t want to get too excited about it but she reminded me that it’s okay to be hopeful. And she’s right. It’s okay to really enjoy this job. Even though it’s going to mean some very early mornings!

So that’s the long version of how I got to where I am now. I know not everybody has a problem with following their interests, but perhaps there are a few of you out there who struggle in a similar way with accepting God’s goodness at times. We are called to be broken and surrendered which stirs up fear in my heart when I start getting such a strong will about a situation. I don’t want to look back and wish I had sucked it up and taken the more rugged path. I don’t want to settle for what’s most comfortable simply because it’s easy. So many stories of inspiration include struggle and pain. And yet we are not called to prove ourselves to God, or to the world for that matter. We are called to obedience and relationship with Him. Sometimes this will take us far out of our comfort zone, but sometimes it means that we pause and reflect on His faithfulness in giving us desires that can be fulfilled. My new job holds many opportunities to shine for Him and I’ve lately been rejuvenated in my purpose at the stables. Although prayers for warmth in this cold weather would be appreciated.

Onto lighter matters, here are a bunch of pictures from the past month. Internal struggles aside, there have been some great times.

I’ll start with this handsome fellow  We’ve been playing music together and have recently started adding our own flair to some of the hymns which keeps it interesting. The other photo was taken at the new office! WFSI is now in their own office which means no more remodeling work and lots of space! Plus, there are some really cool features like brick walls, barn wood accents, and even some repurposed farm equipment.

The second week of January my twin cousin got married! In fact, she also married a Seth. It was cold but so beautiful. Lots of Klotzle family came out for the wedding so Seth and I spent a few hours at the hotel with them Sunday evening.

Isn’t the Midwest climate amazing? It can go from being so cold that there’s ice inside our house to being warm enough that we can wash the cars!

Thankful and blessed. That we are. We also really like the Adventure set of Dominion. It keeps things really interesting and didn’t take too long to learn.

The other week I got to help put up hay at the stables. I really was excited to do it because right before they asked for my help, Mom had texted a picture of the hay wagon at their place and said they put up a bunch. There’s something so satisfying about filling a loft with hay. As Mom said, “…it portrays the essence & needs of life in a simple way…hard work, provision, care & comfort.” Yep.

Lately I’ve been doing a better job about planning out lessons although sometimes inspiration strikes on the spot. There are lots of games you can play with cones and balls! I’ve been so glad for my experiences at Camp T because they did a great job of making riding fun and that’s what I want for my students here too!

My times have been slower the past few weeks but I have still been running. The other day I decided to do the trail through Lake of the Woods. Sometimes you just need to get away from houses and stop signs.

Last weekend Leah visited! She brought us croissants and a loaf of bread from Hewn along with goodies from Trader Joe’s including COOKIE BUTTER ICE CREAM! Woops, I was yelling. The food was delicious and you can see that all three pictures include some form of it, but even better was the fact that we had hours with no plans except catching up. On Monday she taught me how to make and shape baguettes which was very helpful and a total blast! Unfortunately I deleted the pictures from my camera before I realized they weren’t downloaded.

This weekend is a good balance of time with extended family, time at home, and time with friends. And hopefully some sleep  Cause even though I get enough it’s always welcome.