Final Countdown

Here we go, almost halfway through my last week as Miss. There’s been a lot of happenings between now and my last post which I’ll sum up in pics:

There’s been some socializing such as trips to Michigan and visits by friends; there’s been experimenting such as repurposing an old piano and roasting marshmallow fluff on strawberries with YG girls (yes, I’d recommend it!); there’s been preparation by people who hosted and attended our showers; there’s been lots of riding as the horse-ear-pictures would suggest.

Among the many things not pictured are the exciting events of getting my braces off and finishing school. It’s hard to believe I actually graduated from college. I never set foot on campus. And now I have a degree?! Getting my braces off is much more tangible and about as big of a milestone  Last weekend I got to celebrate Seth who graduated from UIUC. Cheers, we’re both done!

And both ready to be married. Can we just elope?

I’ll admit, several weeks ago the thought of the approaching Big Day was pretty scary. It’s not that I haven’t had time to embrace my reality because we’ve been engaged over five months. But early on in engagement I realized that in order for me to thrive in marriage, my single self had to die. There were painful times as I made myself face the truths that I wouldn’t have the same opportunities as a married woman that I had when single. I was able to work through most of it and come to a point of acceptance.

Two weeks ago I took on this mindset that I needed to get the most out of my last days at home. I needed to ride every day that I could, I needed to go to piano lessons every week. Squeeze every last ounce out of these days because it would go so fast and I’d never get this time back.

It became consuming. As I’d go on a ride in the evening, I’d think about how much I’d miss it all. There was pleasure in my evening rides, but the things I was supposed to be enjoying became diluted by the knowledge that soon I’d lose it. It became an unhealthy way to deal with the next stage of life–instead of letting go I was holding tighter to things I needed to release.

Last weekend, over Mother’s Day, some of my family drove to Mahomet and we started unpacking boxes. Dad and Seth redid some shelves in the garage while Mom, Kim, and Edie helped me wash all the new dishes and get them in cupboards. Not only was it good to have time as a family, moving in to my new home gave me a renewed excitement for the future. Having a house where I get to do every-day life with my man helped me see that the things I’m leaving behind will not remain empty. God has provided new and wonderful experiences for the days to come.

I’ll still cry for home and there will be evenings when more than anything I’ll want to pull on my boots and head to the woods on Bandit. There will be days when FaceTime or a phone call won’t do a good enough job spanning the distance between Remington and Mahomet. And there will be days when I’ll wish I knew at least somebody I see in the grocery store.

I know life won’t be perfect after marriage. And that’s okay. I’m not getting married because life at home isn’t good enough or because I need something new. Feeling these pangs of bitter-sweet is actually something I’m really thankful for; I’ve been blessed to do life here. Now I get to dive into an adventure that will be just as wonderful–different but still wonderful.

In a few days I get to walk down the aisle and say ‘I do’ to my best friend. It’s been amazing to witness the miracle that God has performed in my heart over the past five months–and in the past two weeks–that fills my heart with joy that I get to walk through life with Seth. Truly this is the Lord’s doing, and it is so marvelous in our eyes.

Not to beat a dead horse, but I can’t wrap up without thanking those who are praying for us. I think a big reason that I’ve been able to go through this week of final preparations with little stress and a better balance on how to enjoy life at home without clinging to it too tightly is because there are so many people praying. So thank you.

***And this is my last post as a Lehman! You can expect silence for a few weeks, but I’ll try to get some wedding pictures on here before too long as well as a little tour of our rental house.